


This Isn't Working

by storiesfortravellers



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Fights, Get Together, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-21
Updated: 2012-07-21
Packaged: 2017-11-10 09:59:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/465015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesfortravellers/pseuds/storiesfortravellers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They're completely in sync at work, but in their relationship, Clint and Coulson aren't perfect.  Once in a while, they argue (and then they have a lot of fun having make up sex).</p><p>But once in a while, Coulson wonders why Clint never wants to spend the night. It takes him a long time to figure it out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Isn't Working

The first time Clint kissed him, it was during a fight.

It was early on in Clint’s days at SHIELD, when Clint thought Coulson was looking for excuses to dismiss him and Coulson thought that Clint was looking for excuses to leave. They hadn’t learned each other’s rhythms yet, and they hadn’t yet figured out how to trust each other, and so small differences of opinion became big fights.

Well, Clint yelled as if it were a fight. Coulson just infuriatingly kept deflecting his arguments. 

Until finally, Clint grabbed him by the lapels and kissed him, hard and hot and wet, his tongue moving into Coulson’s mouth. 

“Now at least you have an excuse if you want to get rid of me,” Clint said, mouth sneering a good bye and eyes pleading to stay.

Coulson just raised an eyebrow as if Clint had filled out the wrong requisition form (again). He continued with their argument, “They have too many safeguards against rappellers, Agent Barton. It’s not a viable option.”

Clint stormed off but did the op as Coulson ordered.

After, he showed up at Coulson’s hotel room. 

They didn’t say a word. 

They kissed, and it was rougher this time, and Clint started pulling off Coulson’s clothes. They stumble to the bed and there’s more kissing, more undressing, groping and feeling and sucking kisses onto chests and necks. A little awkwardness as they try to talk, but then Clint says, “Can you please just shut up and bend me over the desk? Sir?” 

It goes well.

Clint leaves right after.

And that’s how it is. Every time. For a very, very long time. 

They learn to work together professionally. To respect each other’s decisions in the field. To trust each other on the job more than almost anyone. They soon have an easy camaraderie, Coulson’s deadpan a complement to Clint’s snark.

Clint still shows up without warning at Coulson’s door. They still have exquisitely good sex. Clint still leaves before falling asleep. 

And it’s not because Coulson doesn’t offer. 

Coulson doesn’t ask why. Years of experience with incredibly talented, variously traumatized people has taught him that “Why are you like that?” can be a very destructive question. 

Besides, he thinks he knows. Clint wants to keep the boundaries clear. Fuckbuddies, yes. Couple, no.

Later, Coulson will be angry at himself for completely missing the ball. He’s not an egotist, but missing important information just isn’t like him.

***

After his grossly exaggerated death, Coulson is warmly received. He was unconscious while Fury kept up the charade, and so they were all relieved and thrilled to see him and they did their best to pretend that their grief never happened. JARVIS was kind enough to show them all crying and talking about him, and though Coulson supposed this was to make him feel appreciated, it just made him feel guilty for what they went through, even if it wasn’t in his control. 

Clint, however, ignored him except for a brief hello. 

Clint kept ignoring him. Didn’t make impromptu stops at Coulson’s door any more.

After an initial period of wallowing in the rejection, which Coulson was not very proud of at all, he showed up at Clint’s door, ready to start an argument.

Clint wasn’t expecting him. At all. Coulson never went to Clint’s (and Coulson suddenly realized that that might have seemed strange to Clint all along).

But Clint let him in.

Coulson was right about there being an argument.

There were some choice words.

For instance: 

“If you don’t tell me what’s going on, you’re going to find that a third of your practice bowstrings don’t function.”

“A third? Only you would say a third.” 

“It’s so you can’t throw them all away. You just have to _wonder_.”

Granted, that was not the most mature Phil has ever been. But what could he do when dealing with someone who says things like:

“Why are you even here? Can’t you just get a damn hooker?”

Even Clint had the sense to look sorry after saying that one.

Of course, Coulson didn’t make it any better when he suggested that Clint was a cowardly commitmentphobe. 

Clint didn’t solve anything when he accused Coulson of being a “condescending control freak probably made on the SHIELD assembly line along with your suits.” 

Another hour like that and finally, Coulson lost his notorious calm. He yelled, “WHY? Why would you be with me for _years_ if you didn’t want to? For _years,_ Clint!” 

Clint paused for a moment, his eyes suddenly wild, wrecked. 

He pushed Coulson into the wall, his hands on Coulson’s hips, and it is the only time Clint has ever physically pushed him.

“I’m doing this for you! You have another chance, Phil. For a good life.”

“What the hell are you talking about, Clint?”

Clint stepped back and looked sadder than Coulson had ever seen him. Clint said, softly but with anger underneath, “You deserve to be with someone normal.”

Coulson gaped. “Why would I want normal?” he said.

Clint let out a half laugh and slumped into a chair, releasing Coulson from the pressure, the heat of his body pressing against him.

“Phil. You’re … not like us. You can have a really good life. You should try. You don’t have to….”

Coulson realizes abruptly what he has never quite managed to see. 

Clint thinks that he’s _taking_ something from Coulson by being with him. 

Coulson is almost blind with rage for a moment. But he calms himself. He very steadily calms his breath so he can say, in his most reassuring voice:

“Barton. You are the biggest jackass I have ever met.”

“Fuck you.”

“No. You think I don’t want you? You think I spent years with you because I was biding my time for a conventional white picket? How can you think that about me?”

Barton didn’t say anything.

Phil kept talking. 

They didn’t make up that night.

***

Phil kept showing up at Clint’s door, ready to argue or fuck, whichever Clint was in the mood for. The whole time, Phil kept wondering how they could possibly have fucked up their relationship so badly. If this were a mission, they’d all be dead and aliens would be using earth as a toilet planet by now.

In their arguments, though, they managed to admit a lot of things.

Clint had spent years thinking that Phil was just being nice by letting him into his home and into his bed.

Being nice? When did Coulson do anything just to be nice?

Not that Phil was innocent. Phil had spent years thinking that Clint wasn’t ready for anything serious. 

Possibly because Clint had never had anything serious.

Never actually had anyone he had sex with more than once, Clint finally told him.

So maybe Phil hadn’t realized that for Clint, regular hookups combined with complete on-the-job trust was indeed a big commitment.

And maybe it was true that Coulson wanted kids someday and Clint didn’t, and maybe Clint wasn’t a complete jerk for thinking that was an important difference. But he could have talked to Phil about it.

And maybe Coulson did enjoy lawn care and home repair and ironing his shirts, but that hardly meant he wanted to marry June Cleaver (or Ward for that matter). 

And maybe Coulson could have been a little less terrified of pushing Clint away and done a little more demanding to know the “Why.” Like he would have been if this were for the job.

And maybe Clint was a little bit of a commitmentphobe. Maybe he was a little terrified to admit what they were to each other. 

Maybe Clint did need some time to trust Coulson with his heart and not just his life and his job.

And maybe – just maybe, Coulson finally got Clint to admit – Clint had a serious misunderstanding of the situation if he thinks he doesn’t deserve someone like Coulson.

And Clint, after a very long series of discussions, got Coulson to admit that the reason he overlooked so much is that he was, in fact, a little worried that Clint might not be the kind of person he should be in a relationship with. Coulson was, in fact, scared that Clint might someday go back to his lone wolf nature and leave Coulson with nothing. And Coulson had been ignoring anything and everything that might set that in motion, assuming Clint was some delicate project, some creature that might flit away if pressed too hard.

“I think you’re right,” Clint said one night with a sigh, reluctantly, after a particularly long fight.

“About what?”

“About us being fucked up.”

They looked at each other and they laughed. 

And they realized that neither of them was going to give up.

***  
Epilogue:

Months later (several couple therapies sessions later), they are taking turns. Some nights at Coulson’s, some at Clint’s. 

They still argue sometimes, but they have a much better idea what they’re arguing _for_.

They still have stupendously good sex. Better than ever, actually. Clint is particularly proud of the latest new thing he has convinced Coulson to try.

Clint keeps Coulson’s brand of yogurt and granola in his kitchen now. Because they always spend the night together. Sleep, sometimes troubled and sometimes sweet, but always, always with their bodies leaning against each other, their limbs entangled. Their faces close enough to feel the heat of the other man’s breath. 

They’re happier than they’ve ever been.

They still remember that their first kiss was during a fight. 

They remember it fondly.


End file.
